The Happening (2008)

Directed by: M. Night Shyamalan
Written by: M. Night Shyamalan

Tagline: We've Sensed It. We've Seen The Signs. Now... It's Happening.

Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, and John Leguizamo.

Throughout this whole movie, I could not stop staring at Mark's disturbingly annoying definitive eyebrow lines. He probably has those puppies in every movie he stars in, but I've only noticed them now. I also noticed how much I despise his acting. It's so bad that you think whatever he's saying is a crappy, sarcastic comment. He's kinda terrible, and I think his brother, Donnie is way better.

I actually slightly liked this movie. But on the other hand, it was somewhat stupid. It was like an environmentalist's hard-on. I can just picture a modern hippy in the theatre thinking, "Good for you, nature. Good for you." Like, OMG, the trees are making people kill themselves. How terrific. It was just a way of telling humans that we suck balls for even living. I feel guilty for breathing. Al Gore makes me feel guilty, too.

I loved the slight humor displayed in the film; i.e., when Mark's character is talking to the plastic plant in the model home, or when he's trying to make his woman feel guilty for having dinner with that jack-off, "Joey" by telling her that he almost bought a random bottle of cough syrup from a sexually attractive pharmacist.

You know what was totally unnecessary? When those two boys died. What the freaking hell?! They just get shot by two asshole rednecks or some crap? Dude, that's sad. It also sucks that John Leguizamo eats shit in here, too. He's awesome. But I find it slightly humorous that he just sits in the middle of the road and slits his wrists with broken glass. And what the hell was with that old bag? She was like the craziest fucking thing in the whole movie. Never mind trees making people kill themselves. She was fuckbagnuts.

Overall, this movie was okay. I don't think I would watch it ever again, though. Two or three times in a lifetime is enough for me. I've had my fill.

Rating: 3/5 stars - ***

Review by Crystal.

Zooey Deschanel. John Leguizamo. The two and only reasons for watching this movie. One: John Leguizamo DIES. WTF?! Two: Zooey Deschanel = hot and awesome. Her hair is awesome. Her butt is awesome. Her eyes are BIG. Mark Wahlberg and his furry, messed up eyebrows are feckin' weird as hell.

This movie was semi-interesting. Nature blows dogs for quarters and I hate movies that involve nature. Nature is boring as FUDGE.

Why does Mark Wahlberg sound sarcastic when the crazy old bat asks him if he's gonna rob and kill her in her sleep? That's just not cool. I thought he was really gonna rob and kill her in her sleep! I know she was a crazy old pyscho and everything, but come on, Mark! Either way, he didn't have to kill her. The trees did it for her. WHAT? NOOOOO.

Seriously, I want Zooey Deschanel's butt. It is awesome. Her bod is cool beans. I want that bod. Her clothes were super cool in that movie too. The dress she wears while they're running away from the trees. It's a super cool dress. I also like the shirt she's wearing at the end when she finds out she's preggers.

I like the part when the little girl starts crying into Mark Wahlberg. Awesome.

In the end, this movie sucked butts! I am not gonna watch it again. I liked the slave room though with the talking thing.

2.5/5 Stars **

Review by Michelle